WHO'S THE REAL HOMERUN KING?

So, everyone says Bonds doesn't deserve it because of his performance enhancing drug use, but everyone forgets that Aaron was on Amphetamines...well let's just go down the list to determine who the true homerun king is in all of baseball.

1. Hank Aaron+ 755 R Greenies

Barry Bonds* (42) 755 L Cream and Clear

3. Babe Ruth+* 714 L Drunk, Fat

4. Willie Mays+ 660 R Blasting Caps

5. Sammy Sosa (38) 604 R Corky Romano

6. Ken Griffey* (37) 589 L Nerve Tonic

7. Frank Robinson+ 586 R If you saw him manage, you know he must've been on something strong

8. Mark McGwire 583 R Andro

9. Harmon Killebrew+ 573 R Mormon

10. Rafael Palmeiro* 569 L Viva Viagra

11. Reggie Jackson+* 563 L I AM NOT PAYING REGGIE JACKSON $4 MILLION DOLLARS TO RIDE THE BENCH

12. Mike Schmidt+ 548 R Philly

13. Mickey Mantle+# 536 B http://www.snopes.com/risque/celebrities/mantle.asp

14. Jimmie Foxx+ 534 R The Miami Vice Movie Sucked

15. Willie McCovey+* 521 L What kind of home run king has a "cove"? A real man has a Bay, or a Fjord. If it was named McCovey Fjord, yeah, he'd be the guy, but nope.

Ted Williams+* 521 L We've put a Freeze on his stats.

17. Ernie Banks+ 512 R He only wanted to play two so he could pad his stats

Eddie Mathews+* 512 L Played for Boston, Milwaukee, and Atlanta. Therefore his totals should be cut in 1/3.

19. Mel Ott+* 511 L Polo Grounds bleachers were like 17 feet to right field

20. Eddie Murray+# 504 B DH

21. Frank Thomas (39) 503 R There were two MLB Players named Frank Thomas. Seriously, don't think you're fooling us by changing your skin color after a 25 year abcense either.

22. Alex Rodriguez (31) 499 R He likes the masculine she-male types.

23. Lou Gehrig+* 493 He considered himself "Lucky", not "Skilled"

L Fred McGriff* 493 L Tom Emanski's videos did all the work for him(AND IT CAN WORK FOR YOU! *points*)

25. Jim Thome* (36) 489 L HEY GUYS THIS IS JI

26. Manny Ramirez (35) 488 R Manny Being Manny

27. Gary Sheffield (38) 478 R Racist Loudmouth

28. Stan Musial+* 475 L Musial was ranked #1 among most underrated athletes by ESPN, Therefore he's overrated

Willie Stargell+* 475 L Chose to die on the same day the Pirates opened their new ballpark. Nice publicity stunt.

30. Dave Winfield+ 465 R Killed a Seagull on the field

31. Jose Canseco 462 R Many, many offenses. Most notably his season on VH1's The Surreal Life

32. Carl Yastrzemski+* 452 L His name is too long

33. Jeff Bagwell 449 R Traded for Larry Andersen

34. Dave Kingman 442 R Inspired Tommy LaSorda's swear-filled tirade in 1978

35. Andre Dawson 438 R Montreal Expo.

36. Juan Gonzalez 434 R Also the name of Elian Gonzalez' father. Janet Reno would have to have his records shot down.

37. Cal Ripken 431 R Bald

38. Billy Williams+* 426 L Sold out Han Solo to the Empire. Jackass.

39. Carlos Delgado* (35) 424 L Possible Terrorist

40. Mike Piazza (38) 422 R Responsible for Mike Piazza's Strike Zone

41. Darrell Evans* 414 L Claims to have seen UFOs

42. Duke Snider+* 407 L Retired as a Giant after years with the Dodgers...I mean Come On!

43. Andres Galarraga 399 R Colorado

Al Kaline+ 399 R A basic, ionic salt of an alkali metal or alkaline earth metal element. Alkalis are best known for being bases (compounds with pH greater than 7) that dissolve in water. The adjective alkaline is commonly used in English as a synonym for base, especially for soluble bases.

45. Dale Murphy 398 R Mormon

46. Joe Carter 396 R Learned this on wikipedia: Canadian born Rapper, Choclair refers to Joe Carter's 1993 Game 6 walk-off home run in his 1999 song Let's Ride
Well it's the ninth inning / With two outs I hit a home run to left field like Carter did to Philly / Do you understand me?

47. Graig Nettles* 390 L The Man's name is GRAIG, also, Cork

48. Johnny Bench+ 389 R Also competes as a professional golfer and bowler. Pick one, Johnny.

49. Dwight Evans 385 R Goofiest Batting Stance Ever

50. Harold Baines* 384 L DH

51. Larry Walker* 383 L Canadian Exchange Rate only projects to only 340.87 HRs US

52. Frank Howard 382 R Most of them came for the Washington Senators, so Major League Baseball obviously doesn't acknowledge their existance

Jim Rice 382 R Had a cameo in Fever Pitch

54. Albert Belle 381 R Joey ran over a bunch of trick-or-treaters on Halloween

55. Orlando Cepeda+ 379 R Puff Puff...Pass.

Tony Perez+ 379 R Embargoed.

57. Matt Williams 378 R His 1994 season inspired Bonds to start shooting up which brought all this trouble upon us in the first place

58. Norm Cash* 377 L Piano Legs, also, Cork

Which Brings us to...

59. Carlton Fisk+ 376 R

Now there is a Man. Big, Strong, American Boy. No-Nonsense, plays the game the right way, hustled, fought, had epic clutch moments, threatened to kick Deion Sanders' ass once.

Take that, Chipper Jones

Mack Daddy Fisk

God Bless you, Carlton Fisk; and here's hoping we see some clean, hardnosed American players in the chase for 377.

Does anybody still read this?

Should I keep doing it, or does nobody care?

Just got home from Fenway

That was one of the better games I've seen in person...a tad below game 4 of the 2003 ALDS, but up there in terms of regular season games.

Wakefield was great tonight. An NL team who haven't seen any real knuckleballers before combined with the fact that the pitches were all finding the strike zone made it an easy night for him. The funniest was watching Kaz Matsui try to figure out the knuckler...being from Japan and never running into the Sox in IL play before, I doubt he's ever seen a knuckleball, and he was really swinging as if that was the case. Aaron Cook had good stuff, but they really should've knocked him out of there earlier. In the 6th inning they had the first two on, he'd just walked Manny, and he went up 2-0 on Drew...then JD started swinging for no reason and GIDPed, ending the threat. Anyway, the crowd got really loud during Drew's 8th inning AB with the winning run on third, especially when it got to the 3-1 count, and he came through with the game winning sac fly. Papelbon was back to his outstanding self for the save.

Other things of note:

- Bruce Froemming looks even fatter in person. You'd think being an MLB Umpire, he'd get a decent amount of exercize on the field, and access to hotel gyms and stuff...

- I marked out when they read off the starting lineup. When Pedroia was listed first and Youk second, I thought it was great that Peds was finally at the top, but figured that it was just a Lugo off day and Cora would be batting 9th or something...but when they announced "batting ninth, the shortstop, #23 Julio Lugo" I was so happy...Tito actually had the balls to not only drop him, but drop him to NINTH. That has to be a message, because you can't just drop a guy lower than Doug Mirabelli for strategy. Dougie's the most futile batter in the American League. Lugo got a big double and a run scored, so maybe this kick in the backside will pay off and make him shape up.

- Every time a play goes to left field, Manny Ramirez' hat falls off. Seriously. In the first inning he recorded the final out with a catch he lost his hat on, then jogged halfway into the infield before turning around to go get the hat he left in the outfield. I read that Willie Mays used to wear hats that were a size too big so they'd fall off and make him look good for the highlight reel, but I don't know if Manny's that image-conscious. It's like he just grabs a random hat off the wall regardless of how well it fits and just goes out to play. Manny Being Manny *shrugs*.

- Next time Papelbon comes into a home game, listen for the crowd reaction. There are two distinct noises to hear when he pitches. First you get the "YEAH!" when he throws it past the batter, then there's a second "Whoaaaa!" when the radar gun reading comes up on the scoreboard, he hit 98 with his fastest, but hovered around 95-96. I only noticed him throw one splitter, which was at 92. He's just awesome, should've won rookie of the year last year.

- Speaking of that guy who undeservingly stole Papelbon's ROtY last year, they showed the highlights of the Brewers/Tigers game between the bottom of the 8th and top of the 9th, and there was no crowd reaction. Nobody gives a crap about Justin Verlander. Nobody gives a crap about the Milwaukee Brewers. They followed those highlights up with the Yankee/D-Back highlights, which got some booing. This was all right after Papelbon was coming out to Wild Thing, which got him major applause. How can you not love ths guy? If Justin Verlander were half that cool, maybe someone outside of Detroit would care about him.

- My dad is some sort of Eric Hinske fanboy. When they walked Manny so the leftie could face Drew, I said they should pinch hit Pena, and he's like "What about Hinske". I'm like "...he's left handed..." Then on the drive home we're talking and he asks why Hinske doesn't play more....I said he was batting .17, and he claimed that "It's because he doesn't get enough at-bats". *facepalm*

Good times.

Oh Mike Timlin...

We sure missed that out of the pen.

Well Mike, it's clear that you have absolutely nothing left and don't deserve a spot on a major league roster. However, for your solid workhorse contributions on the 2003-2005 team, if you just retired now before they DFA you and cut ties completely, you might get the Gabe Kapler treatment and not only get your own little Mike Timlin Appreciation Day at Fenway, you'd probably be named roving pitching instructor for the Lowell Spinners or something.

I didn't catch his postgame interview, since I was at Uno's and the TVs there don't have sound, but I'm going to assume that it was all "We tried hard, but God just didn't want me to throw the bunt attempt to the first baseman."

DIE LUGO DIE!

YOU JERKASS

You just cost Curt Schilling the perfect game.

The one thing the future hall of famer doesn't have in his trophy case, a no-hitter/perfect game, and at 40 years old probably the last flirtation he'll have with it. ANd it's all your fault Lugo.

It's bad enough you cost the team runs every frickin' time at bat, but now you've gone too far. It's over. If he's still starting by the time the Sox come back to Fenway, he better get booed off his ass.

Julio Lugo.

Bad leadoff hitter, or WORST LEADOFF HITTER EVER?

It's all over folks. The Yanks will be in first by August 10th.

Predictable crushing loss/inspirational Yankee win, Long ass west coast road trip against the teams that always own us, JD Drew being a little fairy, Terry Francona overusing Papelbon and Okajima every frickin' night until they've got nothing left, treating Donnelly like a damn rightie specialist, Mike Timlin's coming off the DL and back into inherited runner situations, Roger Clemens coming back for the Yanks, A-Rod snapping out of his unclutchness, Julio Lugo is a mothereffing failure at everything he does and deserves to be hit in the junk with a shattered bat

THE END IS NIGH

That's more like it...also, Mientkiewicz is a woman.

Good come from behind win, Torre and Francona tried to give each other the game, but the Yankee infield finally gave in and gave us the winning runs. Cano and Jeter both botched that play where Dougie got jacked the eff up by Mike "Yankee Killer" Lowell, then a couple plays later A-Rod's baseball instincts kicked in again as he was nowhere near the bag on an easy forceout after Melky let the pop fly fall.

Right off ESPN's story: Mientkiewicz was taken to Massachusetts General Hospital, where tests Saturday night revealed a mild concussion, cervical sprain and a fractured bone in his right wrist. He spent the night in the hospital for observation.

I didn't even know he had a cervix.